It's 3:35am in the morning. If I lay on my right side, my hip aches. But I'm also tired of laying on my left side. I'm not sure exactly what to do at this point. All I know is I need sleep.
It's been a full day. I was tossing and turning with the events of the day swirling in my mind when I decided I might as well get up and stagger around the house a bit in hopes that my hips would stop aching.
I've already eaten a bowl of Great Grains (yummo). As I was putting my bowl in the sink I saw some "figure" out the window in the alley that I couldn't quite disipher because I don't have my glasses on. I studied intently...with no luck. I still don't know what's in the alley but decided to name my next blog post that. It feels sort of fitting for some reason to all the stuff swirling inside.
Our company is in a position to cut WAY back. We're gutting it out. Giving all we can to make the end of the year in the positive. But major cuts are still in the forecast. I guess as I was rotating from hip to hip upstairs in bed, the weight of those cutbacks was affecting me more than I realized. I grieve how hard it is to trust God in this world where more times than not it feels like we're seeing things "without our glasses". We can't really see what is going on or what the Plan is. All I know is, I sure hope people (myself included) can hold onto Him. I crave for Him to show Himself faithful in all the messes we find ourselves in. I long.
An entire program will end at the end of November. Programs aren't just programs. People's lives are deeply effected. That makes me sad. Co-workers salaries are being eliminated. These co-workers have left it all to live in a community they are quite foreign to, and now their jobs are being eliminated. I'm hurting for them. It's not a hopeless hurting...just the hurt that comes from looking out the window but not quite yet being able to disipher what is actually going on "in the alley". They have strong faith..they know God. But the guys in the discipleship house (the program that is being eliminated) have more of a "wobbly" faith. They come to the discipleship house to get out of their environments that are literally destroying them. For some, they are just getting their feet beneath them and getting their lives together, and now they must find a place to live in the next 6 weeks. I fear for them. Can't really see the Plan right now. Feel like I'm holding my breath for them rather than breathing deeply with the ease that comes from trusting God's heart in this situation.
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Hi Jules,
My name is "Doc" Gibson, "Doc" is a nickname I have had sense age 19........ and that was 39 years ago.
Before I comment you need to know that Spelling doesn't count when I don't have use of a Spellcheck Program; so bare with me.
Congratsulations!!!! Judging from the dates of your Blog postings, you have a new baby or are real close. I got up this morning with a feeling reality much like yours when you started this Blog. It's election day 2008 and I'm loaded with feelings mostly unsettleing. But what else is new.
I have three daughters all older than you, along with six Grandchildren (that I know of). I've never been pregnent, but I have watched from the sidelines a few times, and I don't envy women with the job discription "Mom". I would venture to say that some of what you are feeling is connected to hormones and the baby. But what do I know, I'm a guy.
After checking my Email this morning, I sat looking at the Google home page thinking, what do I need to nerish my soul today. In the search box I typed something like, "What do I need to hear today" or "Whats in store for today", and your Blog poped up. Your feeling reality, outlined in your writing, is as close as someone outside of my head can come to discribing what's going on with me.
I have spent alot of time introducing myself, and I'm running out of time before I go to work. But I want to say that, I don't have the answer to what's going on with some of us. And sometimes I can't put my finger on what the question is.
I do have a knowing that most of us will be alright when we come out on the other side of the vary rapped change we are going through. Hang in there.
"Doc"
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