I went to bed last night with a restless soul. I woke up with thoughts of a friend that is preparing to move back overseas for a time. i found myself aching with the thought of that. I realized I was feeling kind of bored with life and envious of others that have a clear purpose. Fluffing pillows at Crate and Barrel is great and all, but I am feeling the need for "more". More purpose, more challenge, more risk....more of a spot with my name on it. Today, as I rolled out of bed, I realized that feeling of restlessness is lingering.
So, instead of putting myself to use around the house, I plopped back in bed with my book I've been getting sucked into. Queen Noor is a captivating book and I'm seeing how much I love learning about other places in the world that have always seemed like a mystery to me. I have always heard of the struggles in the middle east but have really had no clue what it was all about. I'm not proud of my history and world ignorance. But I guess you have to start somewhere. This young American woman marries the King of Jordan. It's her life story as she joins here husband and what that looks like for her personally. It's also a great overview of the middle east conflict from the Arab perspective.
I realize after 2 hours of reading that I've been flopped on the bed long enough. I feel sort of lost and am not really even sure where to wander. I feel this faint call to be patient...to wait for things to unfold here in Chicago. I hope there is a purpose for me here. I know I didn't land right in the middle of something I have always dreamed of doing for nothing. I don't even know where to look or what to pursue or what I want. How do I stay in this day rather than think back to days of old? How do I enjoy today and see it for the awesome gift it is rather than wish for tomorrow? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
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1 comment:
Damn that longing.
:)
Oh man JK. I know how you feel. *I just laid my head back on the couch and let some tears run down my face*
You know Who put that longing in your heart. And you know Who knows your heart and thoughts and fears and desires more than you know them yourself. And you know what He's done for you already. You know. Sometimes it's so faint and far away. It feels that way at least. But it's there. He's there. He's doing great things with you and he's going to continue to.
Oh how I love you. Thanks for letting me preach to myself today ;)
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